Saturday, June 9, 2018

I affect the world. It affects me back.

Here’s what went down.

Around May 22, I developed a small skin infection identical to one that I’d had over a decade ago. I originally treated it successfully with herbs from a Chinese herbalist, so when I saw the issue recur I went back to Dr. Lu at Shen Nong and was prescribed a 7-day course of herbs to drink. 

The first day I reacted normally. The second day, I spiked a fever, had severe body pain, and began to develop rashes. There was a ring on my right shoulder. I thought of all of this was either an allergic reaction to the herbs, the herbs flushing out a stronger infection than I’d expected, or maybe just a different reaction between my body and the herbs. My fever kept rising and I kept taking the herbs. The original skin infection was responding positively despite the other symptoms.

About 3-4 days in my fevers got high, like 103 at times. They would ebb and flow so Kevin and I would think I was improving. Then they would jump back to 101 or 102. It was confusing. I stayed hydrated and rested as much as possible.

We returned to Dr. Lu. He said the infection was flushing through my lymph system, hence the rash, and prescribed more herbs— these specific to not spike high fevers. On Tuesday June 5 I wasn’t showing much improvement. Kevin and I figured I needed antibiotics so we went to Urgent Care. They took a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia and took blood. My white blood cells were high and I was anemic but there was no clear cause of the infection. I was told I needed tests that were beyond their capacity and to go to the ER.

Maybe 15 years ago I went to the ER for an ankle x-ray but that’s about the extent of it. It’s always scary and I’m someone who leans towards alternative medicine. We’d heard good things about Virtua Marlton so we headed up. 

A woman in the waiting room was detoxing off heroin while a family slowly amassed to be there to welcome their mother, who had just received a lung cancer diagnosis. We waited and bought water and peanuts from the vending machine. I was brought in for a urine test and given high praise for the light color of my urine. I felt proud! I’d been running fevers for 12 days and really worked to not allow myself to get dehydrated. That was something!

They didn’t have a bed for me so back to the waiting room for several more hours. Maybe around midnight or 1 am we were brought back. I was given an IV— two punctures in one night for someone who is deathly afraid of needles. They took lots of blood and started me on antihistamines, steroids, and antibiotics. Dr. Lee was familiar with herbal treatments. His parents are Korean and big proponents. He understood. Kevin was more coherent than I was and laid out his thoughts and what he’d like to see tested. Dr. Lee was with him— test for Lyme disease. 

We were heard and well cared for. Around 2 am we were discharged. They told us they would call us with the Lyme results. For now, we knew that my liver and kidneys were very healthy and yes, I’m anemic. Everything else tested healthy and normal. I was given prescriptions to continue with antihistamines, steroids, and antibiotics as though I had Lyme disease until we got confirmation.

We were home by 2:30 am. I laid down, deeply exhausted, and at 3 am the phone rang. Dr. Lee had been looking for my test results and saw that I had tested positive for Lyme. I already had an appointment scheduled with my primary physician for the following Tuesday so he told me to continue with the medication and chart a course with my doctor.

Given that my organs are healthy, that my symptoms coincided with a ring 12 days ago, it looks like I was likely infected 12 days ago. I never saw a tick but Dr. Lee tells me I could have been bitten without the tick attaching. Seems like a freak thing. 

Initially, the timing with the herbs felt somewhat confusing but in retrospect, I’m grateful everything unfolded as it did. The herbs may have helped push everything to the surface. They did effectively treat the original condition. Kevin and I second-guessed ourselves about whether or not we should have gone to the ER when my fevers were highest at 2-3 days in, but we learned that at that time I may not have tested positive. Following the timeline that we did let us get really good, clear care. Given that I was diagnosed so early there’s a strong likelihood that I can treat this and move forward without complication.

Here’s what I want those who care about me to know:

I appreciate how much you care about me! Thank you. Please know that I’m building my immune system back up and part of that is really managing my stress. Scary stories about Lyme disease stress me out. I’m a little too close right now. I’m so sorry for those of you who went undiagnosed and suffered unnecessarily. I’m sorry for those you love who endured that. I know those stories are scary and they circulate. I’m hearing some of them right now. Please don’t tell me. It’s really important that I keep my mind hopeful so I can take best next steps with a clear head. I get scared and stressed when I hear about these nightmare scenarios.

Right now, I don't need advice on Lyme, nutrition, or... anything else really. If you have resources and want to let me know so I can reach out if needed, that's great! Otherwise, it's a bit overwhelming to sift through, especially because there are more context and information than I'm providing here. I appreciate the care and am grateful that you trust me to assemble the care that serves me best!

Know that I’m slow right now. I may be slow to respond when you check on me. I appreciate your kindness and I would be so grateful if you don’t take it personally if I’m not able to be very responsive right now.

Encouragement is great. It’s always helpful to me to hear about hopeful stories like people who were diagnosed early and responded quickly to treatment. Also, things you witness in me! Anything you see in me that suggests health and resiliency make me feel empowered and capable of moving through this. That inspires and calms me. That helps.

Here’s what I think about a lot of this:

Twenty years ago, I contracted malaria while visiting my sister in Zambia. My sister had a bout of malaria years earlier that she contracted in Nigeria, but was treated for in the US. Both of us took antimalarials and we both still got it. My sister was treated with quinine in the US and it was a really slow and grueling recovery. I was treated in Zambia, where malaria is incredibly common. I was given Halfan, which broke the fever quickly and it took about two weeks for me to fully regain my strength.

Now Lyme, which honestly feels kind of similar.

I know it’s popular to hate mosquitoes and ticks. Also, popular to question why they exist or what purpose they serve.

Obviously, I don’t know but I suspect that a large part of their purpose is curbing human behavior. And I’m grateful for that. When human expansion gets out of control, when we eliminate predators that could limit our ability to expand, these tiny insects tend to surge up and hold us at bay. In the northeast of US, the tick explosion is directly related to human manipulation of the environment and animal population.

It doesn’t make me scared of the world.

I affect the world. I eat food. I drive a car. I do so many things that affect bugs and animals and the environment, not to mention other humans. And I am affected. I got caught up. Some little bugger got me. But I also had so many factors that assisted me. I was able to catch this quickly and get treatment. 



And I’m sitting outside. I’m walking barefoot. I want to be in the world. The world is not my enemy. Ticks are not my enemy. I’m a part of an ecosystem. It will affect me. I will affect it. That’s the price of living. I want to live. I want to live fully.

I probably did a whole lot wrong. I don’t use chemicals and DEET. I don’t cover myself head to toe when I go outside. My cats are indoor/outdoor. I failed in so many ways. And I’ll continue to do so. I can’t protect myself against everything and I don’t think I’m supposed to. 

What I am doing and will continue to do is take my time. I’m letting healing unfold. I’m patient with it. I plan to adjust my diet to make it even more anti-inflammatory and richer in iron and protein to stave off the anemia. I do think my immune system has suffered due to stress I’ve endured in the last few years. My circulation has always been a weak spot and I’ve dealt with depression since I was a teenager (I suspect the two may be related but I’m not sure how exactly), both of which compromise the immune system. I’ve developed ways to manage depression and actually made great strides over the years and recently I’ve been more attentive to supporting my circulatory system with lots of garlic, turmeric, ginger, and cod liver oil. After 22 years as a vegetarian (who sought to get tons of protein and iron through eggs, beans, seeds, nuts, all the veggies, and loads of dark, leafy greens), I’m probably going to introduce some animal protein into my diet to boost my immune system and combat anemia. 

I’m affecting the world. It’s affecting me back. 

6 comments:

  1. You are always caring for everyone else in so many ways....we all love you and your special contributions you make to our lives....take the time to care and nourish yourself...in mind, body, and spirit! Wishing you well and feel better soon! 😘

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  2. I see you doing the work of fully living in integrity. This post was open, honest, transparent and demonstrated your ability to set boundaries for yourself in a way that is clear and not confrontational. �� so this is me just witnessing your awesomeness. Keep living out loud. It encourages me to do this more. Thank you.

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    1. You just stated all of my goals back to me and that feels really affirming! Thank you so much for the kind witness. I'm glad to be in community with you <3

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