Emotional health as anti-racism

I'm thinking a lot these days on how political awareness relies on emotional capacity. As a white woman who works to be accountable to my own white privilege and an ally against racism, I have a lot of conversations with other white folks about race. Probably not as many as I should have. It's exhausting. But, not as exhausting as being constantly assaulted by racism. So.

Often in conversations with white folks about race, I have said or heard:
1) But, I have friends of color...
2) But, I grew up poor/rough/abused...
3) But, I'm not racist...

But.

Thankfully, many of us have many friends. (However, white folks are statistically more likely to be friends with mainly other white folks.)

Unfortunately, many of us grew up under challenging conditions.

I think it's safe to say that we all have prejudices and preconceptions. I don't think it's possible to have not been influenced by your parents (wonderful though I'm sure they are), teachers, religious leaders, and the media. Depending on who you are, where you were raised, and when, the messages might not have been about a black/white dichotomy. Were your raised in Colorado? There was likely more messaging against Mexicans and Indigenous people. Were you raised in the Dominican Republic? There was likely more messaging against Haitians.

I'm learning from some friends of color (there I go!) that some type of internal setting or resiliency told them at a young age that they would not be liked or respected due to circumstances beyond their control. While this is true of all of us, this is extra true for people of color in the United States. It is simply a fact that there will be judgment and differing levels of access for a person of color in the United States.

Given this fact, there's a different relationship to being liked or right. It's a different emotional maturity.

Some white folks have this too. Some white folks know that they might be judged or limited due to forces beyond their control. I'd wager women have experienced some level of this. However, when it comes to race, there is a quick defensiveness. "I want to be RIGHT here," I'm NOT a racist," "I am INNOCENT," "I get a PASS because of my friends or upbringing or..."

But.

I'm wondering if there's a way that I, as a white woman, can be more comfortable being uncomfortable. I'm wondering if I can not be right. I'm wondering if I can not *accept* unfair judgment, but also have perspective around this type of tendency. Can I have an emotional core that offers me the resiliency to be wrong and still OK? Can I have the fortitude and strength for people to correct me when I'm wrong, share experiences that are outside of my range, and simply receive?

I want to. I want to because I love a lot of people who's experiences are outside of my range for any number of reasons. There is a lot that's outside the scope of my understanding and I'd like to be OK with that. I'd like to be sufficiently emotionally stable for everything to not be about me.

Maybe that's the crux: part of white supremacy and privilege is centralizing white experience as the norm. Can we all be sufficiently comfortable with not being centered? Is there a way we can fortify for ourselves and those closest to us a sense of wholeness and care that leaves sufficient space for others?