We joined a practice that doesn't offer epidurals (unless you require transfer and surgery) so they request that you prep for labor. We'd planned on it anyway and signed up for a great class with Cat LaPlante and Carrie Sarlo-Randazzo at the Village. We got fantastic information about the general arc of labor, ways to move and support both comfort as well as the baby's descent, and best of all, ways that Kevin can massage me. Win.
This experience and many prior and since spurred Kevin and I to talk about what support feels like to each of us. We're very different characters. If Kevin were the one giving birth, he'd probably either want me to be totally silent or read aloud super obscure Stoic philosophy. However, I'm chatty. Our practice recommended hypnobirthing materials. I listened to a podcast and looked into it a bit-- from what I can tell, it's an amazing network of resources and feels very similar to yoga affirmation mantras. And it caused me to realize something else about myself. I have a history of being gaslit, meaning I had pivotal experiences where I was told that what I experienced wasn't real, or wasn't what it felt like to me. It's taken me years to really trust myself and my own perceptions. I realized that due to those past experiences, cliche affirmations don't work well for me. I want verbal communication and I want it to be very specific. When I get that, basically, a narration of reality that affirms my own experience, I feel safe.
This is a pretty foreign way of operating for Kevin, but he's a champ, and we've been working on it. He's been writing up a list of all the things he's seen me accomplish so that he can remind me of them if I need encouragement. He's working on affirming what I'm experiencing first and being verbally connected to me so I feel like everyone around me is checked in and on the same page.
I put this in a birth preferences sheet for my practice-- that's basically a "birth plan" but perhaps with more allowance for the reality that birth can't be planned. My midwives were very responsive and grateful to know what communication style made me feel the safest and therefore the most relaxed. They agreed that for many birthing people, less information or communication is preferable. Knowing this about myself is helping me ask for what I need.
I mentioned in other posts that I'm also deep in both Ina May Gaskin and Spinning Babies rabbit holes. Ina May is a plethora of wisdom on all sorts of things, but mainly, the miracle of the birthing body. She's reminding me to keep my mouth loose and make low noises and filling my imagination with all the possibility of birth.
Spinning Babies is reminding me to move, move, move. This is another request that I put in my birth preferences document-- to get suggestions and encouragement in moving frequently during labor. My midwives responded really well and I'm excited to get their support!
Kevin and I packed bags for two nights at the birth center, and they're in the trunk. He installed the car seat and I got it inspected. We've made a document on who to text and when, like our friends who will come watch the cats when we go to the birth center, and a list of who to contact after our daughter has made her arrival-- we don't want to forget anyone.
The main thing that has me stumped is snacks. Easily digestible, high energy food tends to really help people in labor-- and those supporting them. Kevin has a bunch of energy bars. I'm not good at food prep. It's on the list.
Apart from that, we're trying to make room. Just time and space to sink into the sort of twilight feeling of waiting for birth. I'm starting to feel that labor isn't just the hours leading up to the arrival of the baby-- it starts way earlier. Things get softer and fuzzier. There's a quiet. A sinking. A loosening and deepening. Going with that, so labor can unfold.
I'll report back.
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