The Catalyst of Our Story

On this New Year's Eve, Kevin and I went to watch the movie, "Wild." We both relished the memoir by Cheryl Strayed. It's her swan song. It's her big moment of claiming her life and she shares that process with the reader in full color.

Watching a cherished book transform into movie is always delicate. What will they edit out? What will they highlight and emphasize? I thought they did a wonderful job clarifying the central story for those who had read the memoir and those being freshly introduced to the story. I mainly wanted to see "Wild" adapted to film to know the scenery of the Pacific Crest Trail. It didn't disappoint. What surprised me a little was my own ability to visit her journey with fresh new eyes. I didn't expect to be able to find pain the most beautiful catalyst-- because that's the potential, right?

I've long had a theory that none of us makes it out unscathed, or put differently, that we all have a story. We all have scars, we all have been hurt. Some of us pretend otherwise. Some of us loudly proclaim our stories. In my own life, I'm seeking to transform the pain, to let the moments that hurt me most also propel me towards my best self. If there is a point, that's it right? Otherwise. Well, that's a darker investigation.

Strayed's grief lead her into her darkest self and then ultimately onto the trail. She literally learned how to carry herself again. She learned how to live again. It was an actual walk-a-bout, which has a pretty good track record for folk's reconciling with the great overwhelm.

I never hiked or backpacked a trail. I did blaze out on my own and it was scary as shit. It also taught me my mettle. I gained confidence knowing I could care for myself, that things are tough plenty, but there is a way through.

Kevin and I have been talking recently about that weird tension between loving and wanting to care for another but also create the space for independence and freedom. Of course, we try to do that for one another. That's the line between interdependence and co-dependence, right? That's the space we create for intimacy and vulnerability. That's the space we make for the important, deep living.

It feels pertinent that we shared this story on New Year's Eve, the big day of accounting for many of us. We tally up the last year's highs and lows and make some determinations for what's ahead. In the space of "Wild," I resolve to make the pain beauty. I resolve to make the pain beauty. I resolve to stay in it, all of it. I resolve to let it all be. The pain. The beauty. To be. I resolve.