Coming home

Last Sunday, I touched down in Newark after a little over a month in India. I still don't quite know where I am. I still am a little unsure with where to start.

Kevin and I both were looking forward to our reunion. This was the longest period that we've ever been apart! But we also became shy. Should I run up to him? What's authentic? Ultimately, Newark Airport decided for us. Another storm had hit so roads were icy and Kevin was delayed. Newark's staff made it so I had to run to the car while he idled. We got in a quick hug.

I had long set a plan to hit the first Starbucks at a road stop after being picked up. Kevin generously offered to bring me coffee but I wanted it FRESH. We stayed in ashrams in India that wanted us to experience life free from stimulants so I hadn't had coffee since Mumbai. Some folks experienced headaches and mood swings while we all went through withdrawal. I didn't feel different physically or in terms of my energy while living without coffee. It just reaffirmed to me that I really like coffee! When I got back to Mumbai to fly home, I did find a coffee shop in the airport. It wasn't so great though. I don't like supporting mega-corporations like Starbucks but they are reliably consistent!

As requested, we pulled off at the first rest stop. A young dude with a curly ponytail took my order. It felt comforting to be in this environment, with him-- just really familiar. Kevin and I got to hug more. We both were in a bit of disbelief about being reunited. For me, it felt a bit like I'd been in a parallel plane and we hadn't actually missed any time together-- India felt like a separate dream realm. For him, he'd been going through what was usually our shared, daily life, in our co-created home, without me, so my absence was felt.

When I received my coffee and took a sip, I actually felt weak in the knees.

The next plan was the Pop Shop. I had been craving buffalo tofu for the better part of my travels. I think I wanted vinegar. I also wanted garlic and onions. Garlic and onions are pretty much no nos in an Ayurvedic diet, which we had been eating. I was going fully rogue.

We finally got to the Pop Shop. The weird thing was that again, it felt like I'd just been there. The span of intervening time didn't feel real. I wished I could summon the desperation I'd had imagining that meal. My fantasy was pretty contingent on being in hot, dusty, rural India facing another plate of potatoes (cooked with such love). The two realities felt somewhat incompatible.

We did have a good meal though and it was amazing to talk to Kevin without the constant delays of Facetime and the non-stop interruptions of power and wifi outtages.

I had secretly been praying that we'd get March snows. The spring is Kevin's busiest season. I wanted some time with him before landscaping swept into full gear. Plus, I had spent a month with all of my time allotted to training, studying, and practicing yoga. I didn't sleep much (or enough for me) and I hadn't had any time to process. The theory behind this training is to immerse the student. I was thoroughly saturated and wanted time. Just time. Unaccounted for time. As much as I missed my community, I wanted some time to revisit what had happened before describing and sharing it.

I got my wish. The past week has been a series of successive snow storms. I was able to keep up with work obligations from home, which means I actually feel fairly on top of my game. Whoo hoo! So now just feeling like I'm truly here...

Kevin said this week that he feels like I'm not fully here yet. He's probably right. While in India, I would have happily come home. As much as I cherished the experience, it reaffirmed to me that my life and community here are intentional and I am so grateful. My training in India was intense and it's austerity created this weird, rare little bubble of existence. It's a funny transition leaving that type of quickly and intimately built community of such rarefied circumstances. Plus, jet lag. I've heard a top jet lag remedy is simply laying on the ground and letting your body feel the earth again after being so long in the sky. The earth where I am is frozen and covered in layers of ice and snow. I haven't been able to lay on it, though I have happily shoveled some of the frozen layers. So, I'll just keep peeling away until my feet finally, and firmly, touch the ground.