Waiting

When I was pregnant with Twyla, I felt very clearly that she would arrive later than her estimated due date. As I explored averages I saw that most first time Moms birthed at 41 weeks and 1 day. I felt like she would probably even be closer to 42 weeks.

Because of that, when I got my due date I advocated with my practice to not intervene and let her bake. They put limits (based on agreements with insurance, not my health nor Twyla’s health– a bone I have to pick with prenatal care in the US) but I knew what it would look like to go beyond 40 weeks gestation with them. 

I was so certain that I also was able to prepare everyone around me. It felt like my first act of parenting: this wasn’t my birth, it was Twyla’s. She was coming later. She was going to use that time to bake and develop and my job as her mother was to safeguard it. Sure enough, 40 weeks came and went and I calmly went about my way.

Her pregnancy was really sweet. I could take walks. Kevin and I went out to eat. We read lots of books and put up last minute baby things. I struggled to sleep and had acid reflux, but nothing unbearable. 

My practice at that time couldn’t care for me beyond 42 weeks gestation (which I have so much to say about, but another time) meaning, if I got to 42 weeks I’d either have to induce with them, or take my chances at a random ER or free birthing at home. At 41 weeks, based on this knowledge, I agreed to a membrane sweep and Twyla was born the following day.

In this second pregnancy, I had a feeling the baby would come closer to the estimated due date. Didn’t feel late, didn’t feel early, but earlier than last time. 

Then, deep in the second trimester, we realized why all bets were off: there were two babies. We shifted all thinking to crash course in learning twins and also trying to gestate as long as possible given that so many twins are born premature and need time in the NICU. While I am so grateful for NICUs and the care that they provide early babies, my hope was to do whatever was in my power to keep my babies cooking and to not need NICU time.

We then learned about “wimpy white boy syndrome” where seriously, no joke, there are no studies but every NICU nurse, L&D nurse, midwife, and OB/GYN knows that white boys tend to struggle the most upon birth. They tend to lack muscle tone to nurse effectively and therefore gain weight. If it’s a white boy/girl twin the boy will usually need CPAP or NICU time to work on breathing. 

And I had two white boys cooking! 

So again, Kevin and I looked into best practices to prevent pre-term labor. Of course, no one can control all factors but things like Brewer’s Diet do seem to help get birth weights up, help mother’s sustain appropriate blood volume so they’re less susceptible to preeclampsia, maintain appropriate sugar levels to ward off gestational diabetes, and collagen and vitamin C seem to help amniotic sacks stay intact rather than prematurely rupture.

We did it. When I got tired, I listened to my body and sadly put my gym membership on hold. I started finding meetups for Twyla that didn’t involve walking as I could barely. My inlaws helped afternoons so I could take naps. I did whatever I could to keep my babies baking.

Our next goal was to hit 37 weeks. Again, 37 weekers are preterm and many struggle to eat, but at 37 weeks we would be safe enough to stay with our homebirth practice and birth at home. Given hospital twin birth policies (the writing of another post) this was another major goal for the health of the boys and me. 

Tentatively, 37 weeks came and went. I wanted to keep them cooking so they would enter the world ready for it, but at least I knew that I could now safely call my birth team when the time came. 

Finally, 39 weeks, on Kevin and Twyla’s birthday. A lot of money was put on that date. And that date being true full term, a big achievement with two babies. As there were no babies, we put together a last minute birthday party for Twyla and watched yet another milestone.

Now, the time we did not intend for. Kevin and I started to look up from all our preparing: me, trying to survive how physically demanding this pregnancy is and him, taking all the rest of the weight of Twyla, household chores, cooking, cleaning, etc. Neither of us thought that we would get this far! 

Now what.

Now, everyone texting.

“Babies here?”

Believe me, no one ever forgets to tell you that their baby has been born.

With Twyla, we turned off the outside world and went in. We waited with patience and trust.
With our boys, we couldn’t turn the world off. We needed the help we were gratefully receiving in the forms of childcare, meals dropped off, and other check ins. But that also meant everyone and their mother sharing their stories of inductions, C-sections, asking if we’d tried to self-induce.

So here’s the kind of crazy thing: that’s all really serious medical advice with big implications. And people pass it around casually, as though they know the implications or your medical history or the potential ramifications for your kids.

So it becomes yet another conversation to have for the umpteenth time:

Well, there are actually a lot of risks to medical induction. Among them, pitocin isn’t even approved for it though it’s used commonly. (https://www.hormonesmatter.com/the-rise-in-pitocin-induced-childbirth/) It would likely mean that I would need an epidural and given my health make up, that would likely plummet my blood pressure, which would put my babies in distress, and mean we would need a C-section. Which might otherwise be avoidable.

Well, if we can avoid it, we don’t want a C-section. I’m so grateful that these surgeries exist, but there are a number of reasons why if avoidable, it would be safer for me to birth vaginally. For one, C-section births lose almost double the blood of a vaginal birth. For someone like myself, hoping to nurse but also be healthy enough to keep up with 3 kids, it’s likely that I’ll recover more quickly from a vaginal birth.

Well, yes, some people do induce labor with castor oil. But for some, it just causes diarrhea and dehydration in the mother and for the baby to pass meconium and can put the baby in danger. So, it can be a dangerous gamble to take.

And yes, people do a thousand other things to induce labor. They pump, walk on curbs, eat pineapple and spicy food, etc. None of these methods are guaranteed. No one knows exactly why labor is triggered. 

Another favorite: “they let you…” go this long with twins. Yes. As a grown ass woman, I chose providers who know they are supporting and guiding my health and the birth of my babies. So I am treated with respect and give consent. And, like a criminal, I’m walking around beyond 40 weeks pregnant with my own twin boys. They let me. No one has arrested me yet LOL. Even though most mainstream providers induce twin pregnancies earlier, I found providers who trust birth and have experience supporting full term twin pregnancies.

It makes me feel like I’m consistently defending my choices. Choices that Kevin and I agonized over. Researched. Discussed endlessly with healthcare professionals and our chosen healthcare providers. Choices that we have given tremendous thought to. All casually dismissed with, “well, why don’t you…?”

What no one says is, I’m with you. Waiting. Patiently.

Waiting is hard.

And it has value.

If I list the innumerable symptoms I live with the answer is, well, just go get an induction. But a year from now, I might still live with trauma from a failed induction versus a distant memory of a few full days of waiting. Why not wait? 

I’m healthy. My babies are healthy. The more time that I give them in the womb, the more opportunities they have to form neural networks and develop their lungs and put on fat and ready for the world. I’ve been checked up and down. We even had to go to the hospital this past week for a check and doctors who believe that all twin pregnancies should be birthed no later than 38 weeks couldn’t find any medical reason to urge induction or surgical birth.
So why not wait?

It’s the only practice that seems to have lost its place in the realm of birth. Waiting. Waiting for babies to be ready. For them to trigger labor. Waiting, in the fullness, the discomfort, the all of it. Waiting, as I am, in frustration. I watch the days tick by and know this is all the sooner than Kevin has to go to work and all the earlier that I lose help.

And I know those are some valid reasons why people induce. There are medical reasons, psychological, and also so that people can have preferred providers or help. There are good reasons to induce and I don’t fault anyone else their decision.

But there’s also reason to wait.

Kevin and I keep talking about other hard tasks. Right now, a triathlon doesn’t seem as hard. I could duck out of it if I wanted to. And people wait for those. They mentally steel themselves. I guess the difference is that you know a horn will blare and the race will begin. In this instance, I have to trust.

But just the same as Twyla, I feel like this is the job of a parent. If there were medical reason, I would listen to my providers and act to birth my babies however we needed to. Given that we are all healthy, I’m guarding their ability to determine their own birth. Kevin and I have done everything that we can to ensure that it will be as healthy and peaceful as we can make it. While these days tick by agonizingly slowly, next year we’ll look back with gratitude. Our summer boys. Who were allowed to enter the world without force, with trust, and with the time that they needed.