Mirrors

My friend Erika & I have been mirroring back & forth & it is so freaking fruitful.  Areas of her life where she feels a bit hazy or unsure she brings to me.  I ask her what she would tell me.  & then she knows.  Ditto for me.

I'm so grateful for this clarity.  It's so interesting how others see you.  I've always felt like that vision was so far removed from how I see myself.  I remember a friend in high school telling me that in middle school she never approached me because I seemed so "cool & independent, like I had it together & didn't need anymore friends."  Man was I fronting!  I was completely insecure & lonely.  I had no idea what I was projecting.

Likewise, Erika has been telling me that in my yoga classes I create a safe space for others.  I'm so glad that this is her experience in my classes.  She was describing this to another friend & the insightful friend asked if I create safe spaces for myself.  Based on something I was grappling with at the time, Erika said, most of the time, but not always.  Totally true.  Again, if Erika described a situation where she felt unsafe I would be so quick to figure out a way to make it feel whole.  I don't always have that clarity with myself.

I went on to explain a pattern I have of befriending folks who are pretty badass.  I was saying that I've never understood this-- I'm not at all someone who hits clubs or lives hard.  I supposed that maybe I'm the straight man to their nuttiness.  Erika started laughing.  She responded, "You're totally badass!  I would not want to cross you!"  Incredulous, I replied, "Well, Kevin says he gets scared of me."

I think that badass-ness is somewhere on a spectrum.  I've never taken a bat to a dude who needed to be threatened with a bat.  Unlike some badasses I know...

This whole relationship made me think of the Velvet Underground song, "I'll be your mirror."  It's such a sweetly creepy song.  I looked at the lyrics.  Without any heroin-infused droning, they're so whole & lovely.

I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid

When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you

I'll be your mirror
(reflect what you are)