I want to be cohesive

This afternoon a good friend took us for delicious taro smoothies & spring rolls, helped us organize our cabinets, & joined us watching "Beasts of the Southern Wild."  I recommend this film a thousand times.  & then nudge you repeatedly until you buy tickets.  Really.

The buzz I've heard so far is that the lead character, Hushpuppy, a young girl, is mesmerizing.  Understatement.  She's absolutely captivating-- as is her environment, as is her story.  Through her eyes the viewer navigates what I think many of us seek to avoid-- the possibility of our own collective destruction.  I hesitate writing these words because they're so apocalyptic.  Truly, that's at the heart of the story.  Whether we watch symptoms of climate change, heed a dooms-day religion, fear growing global disorder, or simply had nightmares as a child, there's a possibility that all we know could be lost.

Hushpuppy faces a Great Storm, the devastation of the only environment she's known while watching her father confront life-threatening illness.  So much of the movie is her unfolding relationship to chaos.  She doesn't unravel, disintegrate, or become extinct.  She listens for animal heart beats.  She becomes wilder.

It's a beautiful tale to witness & despite the portrayed extremes, completely relatable.  I wanted to adopt Hushpuppy as my daughter-- not that I would be a better caregiver than her father-- for all his flaws he prepared her to survive incredibly well.  I wanted to hold her close because I respected her strength & ferocity.  It makes me imagine having a daughter one day & hopefully arm-wrestling her, doing my best to not domesticate her wildness, & marvel.

Whenever I entertain these fantasies of a future child I remind myself to be here.  If I do raise children they'll learn most from who I am & what I do than what I say.  So perhaps this movie reminded me to stop civilizing myself.  If I respond so passionately to a bit of wildness, a fierce streak of resistance, an unbending will to survive, & be free, than perhaps that's exactly what to foster in myself.

Searching for her mother, Hushpuppy came upon a shrimp boat.  The captain explained why the floor was littered with wrappers from years of chicken sandwiches, "It makes me feel cohesive."  She replied, "I want to be cohesive."

& feral.